Salman, Dhoni and Joblessness!

Skaaaaaaa...Dooooshhhh! Here I am again. Holding fort as usual in life! If you are one of the few people in the world who wonder why I don’t write more or even update the blog with inane stuff, the answer is I am too numb. A person writes when something affects him or her (If Naipaul allows), which happens very rarely with yours truly. Neither do the blue skies or the songbird’s melody make me cheerful nor does the dying kid in Africa rouse great sorrow. I have hit the great writer’s block! The only reason you are reading this right now is because our office shifted to a new location and Airtel didn’t have the decency to show up and set up our internet connection, which left me with 2 choices, either play computer games/watch movies and have the boss fuming and coming up with innovative ways to keep me at work or just keep scribbling on a Word document and seem busy (“Very smart” said in a retard way with 2 fingers knocking my forehead). :D

Anyway have you seen how similar Salman Khan and Mahendra Singh Dhoni are? One can’t act and the other well let’s say it politely (dude gave us 2 World Cups, come on) isn’t the greatest batsman or wicketkeeper we have seen. But whatever they touch, Ka-Ching!!! Salman stars in some of the most dim-witted films of our time but people go crazy, whistle, dance and blow kisses. The makers’ perception of the audience is so low that they make it a point to have one-word movie names. Really! Yuvraj, Wanted, Veer, Dabangg, Ready...Still the box-office is set ablaze from the first show and the distributers, producers, director, ‘that new actress’ and of course Salman walks home delighted!

Similarly, MSD has won it all, World Cup, T20 World Cup, Test Championship, IPL (twice), Champions league without ever making much of a contribution. He is not the sharpest captain; one can actually mistake him for a forehead wiping effigy on the field due to the lack of emotion he portrays. Who gives the last over of a match to Joginder Sharma let alone a final and then have the audacity of hoping to win? Ans: MSD. He is the luckiest bastard I know and so do you, I bet my life on that!

Boss coming, have to bring up an excel or ppt or a relevant word document on the screen. Till then let the path of AWESOMENESS guide you...  

A white blank page and a swelling rage...

I work in the most unimportant and neglected part of a company, I've disappointed my parents more than anybody in the history of mankind (Hitler and Osama's parents too would have been proud of them), I let a pint-sized megalomaniac boss me (This one sentence will most definitely lead to an argument), I can't even think of a healthy relationship, I feel guilty for not caring enough about people, or, do I? The person I relate to most is a serial-killer on television (No plans of emulation though, yet), alcohol doesn't pacify or interest me anymore, I still don't know why I get up early almost everyday to go to the gym, most conversations bore the shit out of me, I thought I had become the perfect being but from time to time boredom creeps up and anger lifts its head. For the first time in my life I might end up doing something I've never done before, SNAP!

Where is that brain-wave you are supposed to get when you have lived a quarter of a century? The realization of all your past mistakes and the epiphany about the clear path to a happy future? Are stupid people the only ones with a right to bliss? All I wish is for a beautiful stranger, sanity, clarity, some humane feelings and money of course!

But then again as The Dark Passenger and Dexter say in unison, "Wishes of course are for children."

Top 5 Bollywood movies of 2010

What makes a great film? Simple, everything! There are so many things to get wrong in making a film, it’s truly a magical experience when the sound design, editing, music, cinematography, acting, writing and directing all wrap up into one to make the perfect film.

There were some truly great films this year, so many that I had to pull all my hair out to pick just five. Incidentally four of the five I picked were directed by debutants! Don't know if I will get bouquets or brickbats for my choices but these are my top 5 in no particular order:

Ishqiya

Director: Abhishek Chaubey

Cast: Vidya Balan, Naseeruddin Shah, Arshad Warsi

Ishqiya had terrific performances, great writing and fantastic direction.

And music by Vishal Bharadwaj was so good especially 'Dil Toh Bachcha hai Ji' that Madhur Bhandarkar's forthcoming movie is titled the same.

Udaan

Director: Vikramaditya Motwane

Cast: Rajat Barmecha, Ronit Roy

Udaan was unconventional Bollywood at its biting best. Udaan spoke about a lonely teenager's traumatic life as his father and he dealt with their clash of personalities.

Vikramaditya Motwane deserves distinction marks for narrating a slice of life film with aplomb but the two kids, Rajat Barmecha and Aayan Boradia, were the real stars of this enterprise.

Tere Bin Laden

Director: Abhishek Sharma

Cast: Ali Zafar, Pradhuman Singh

A satirical comedy, Tere Bin Laden spoke about US's paranoia for anything Islamic post 9/11. It had a smart script and some smart acting.

India found a star from the other side of the border, Ali Zafar, a package of good looks, super talent and the right screen presence.

Peepli [Live]

Director: Anusha Rizvi

Cast: Omkar Nath Manikpuri, Raghubir Yadav

Peepli [Live] dealt with farmer suicide cases in a satirical and witty way.

The music was remarkable and the dialogues laced with expletives, were truly fantastic and most importantly, real. The film, deservedly is India's entry into Oscars this year.

Love Sex Aur Dhokha

Director: Dibakar Banerjee

Cast: Anshuman Jha, Neha Chauhan

The only film in this list without a debutant director, had three stories talking about serious issues like honour killings, MMS scandals and sting operations.

Banjerjee has a keen ear for local textures and dialogue and incredibly, he gleaned impressive performances from his cast of rank newcomers.

Click here to view the published version of my article: http://www.cinecurry.com/news/movie-news/hindi/top-5-bollywood-movies-2010

Top 5 Hollywood movies in India of 2010

Most people would remember 2010 for the sequels of franchise flicks like Twilight, Narnia, Shrek and Harry Potter or Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie blowing up stuff but all the above were rendered forgettable by the presence of some awe-inspiring celluloid gems. Here are 5 Hollywood movies from the ones released in India this year that had me impressed:

The Social Network

Director: David Fincher

Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield

Fun. Interesting. Well made. Though their marketing plan was questionable, their dialogue was more than impressive and they managed to successfully make a film about people sitting and typing at a computer fun, dramatic, and interesting.

Fincher proved again that he is an amazing visual director while Eisenberg is so great with his performance that he manages to make you love and loathe Zuckerberg simultaneously.

Inception

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Leonardo Di Caprio, Ellen Page

The idea of our dreams and how one affects them is a risky topic to tackle because it’s endless and quite complex. Nolan made it not only easy to understand but raised many interesting debates on “mind travel.”

It was an exquisitely beautiful film with a magnificent soundtrack by Hans Zimmer.

Toy Story 3

Director: Lee Unkrich

Cast: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen

Surprisingly as good as the first but in an entirely new way. Not only was this film funny and well made, but it dealt with concepts that serious dramas are afraid to touch. Yes it had a few cheesy kids lines, but on the whole it was dark, dramatic, interesting, funny, it was more than just a film, it was an experience.

I have said this before and I will say it again, if you didn't have a tear or two rolling down your cheek in the last 30 minutes, then you’re probably a heartless Decepticon.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Director: Oliver Stone

Cast: Michael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf

The film didn't try to copy the original as much as you might think. Yes, there’s the mentoring of an up and comer by a devious veteran but it also tackled the politics and corruption present in the new millennium. Money Never Sleeps opened a whole new bag of worms.

Every actor elevated the other’s performance, which made the film more watchable and more entertaining. LaBeouf may seem like an odd choice for such a dramatic role but he really brought it and proved that he can hang with the big dogs.

The Town

Director: Ben Affleck

Cast: Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner

What made this movie a cut above the rest was how it employed generic elements like revenge and romance to device empathy for its morally-ambiguous protagonists without ever compromising on the hard-boiled intentions of its cleverly-manufactured screenplay.

From top to bottom there was a great cast in this film. Renner, Hamm, Affleck, Lively, Hall all gave solid performances though Pete Postlethwaite was the star of the show for me.

Check out my published version of this article on: http://www.cinecurry.com/news/movie-news/english/top-5-hollywood-movies-india-2010

How The Ronster Stole Your Christmas!

We all (Ok most of us!) know how the Jesus story has been lifted from pagan mythology. It was travelling in the Mediterranean almost 1000 years before him. The virgin birth, baptism in the river, resurrection etc were actually taken from stories of Osiris, Dionysus, Adonis, Attis, Horus and Mithras. But come on even the date of birth had to be stolen??? For dim-wits who still haven’t followed, yes, ‘The Saviour’ wasn’t born on December 25^th!

The Bible has as many cases of plagiarism against it as the next Bollywood movie you will catch in the theatre or Pritam’s next composition. The cave-men who wrote His story just did a pre-historic cut (wiping out Paganism mercilessly)-copy (a very accurate one)-paste (and we give you JESUS).

To prove that this is not a hoax, I give you the whole story:

From its early Babylonian roots, the celebration of the birth or "rebirth" of the sun god on December 25th came to be celebrated under various names all over the ancient world.  You see, the winter solstice occurs a few days before December 25th each year. The winter solstice is the day of the year when daylight is the shortest. In ancient times, December 25th was the day each year when the day started to become noticeably longer.  Thus it was fitting for the early pagans to designate December 25th as the date of the birth or the "rebirth" of the sun.

Let's even pretend for a while that my pal J.C. existed and the Bible accurate. So where did Christmas come from? Well, the truth is that the word "Christmas" is not actually found anywhere in the entire Bible. In fact, the word "Christmas" was not even invented until about a thousand years after Jesus left this earth. The Catholic Encyclopedia even admits this: "The word for Christmas in late Old English is Cristes Maesse, the Mass of Christ, first found in 1038." But Jesus was not even born on December 25th. The reality is that it would have simply been far too cold for shepherds to be out with their sheep at night in Israel on December 25th. The vast majority of Christian scholars now acknowledge this. So when was Jesus actually born? Based on the information we have in the Scriptures, it appears that it is most likely that Jesus was born in the autumn season.

So how did December 25th come to be celebrated by Christians? Well, by the time the Roman Empire legalized Christianity in the 4th century, most of the other religions in the empire were celebrating the birth of their gods on December 25th.

So in the year 350 A.D., Pope Julius I declared that the birth of Jesus would be celebrated on December 25th from then on. There appears to be little doubt that Pope Julius was trying to make it as painless as possible for pagan Romans to convert to Catholicism!

Also thousands of years before there was a "Santa Claus", there was another supernatural figure that would supposedly visit a tree and leave gifts every December 25th. His name was Nimrod!

According to ancient Babylonian tradition, Semiramis claimed that after the untimely death of her husband Nimrod, a full grown evergreen tree sprang up overnight from a dead tree stump. Semiramis claimed that Nimrod would visit that evergreen tree and leave gifts each year on the anniversary of his birth, which just happened to be on December 25th!

Dampened the Holiday spirit have I? Ho Ho Ho (It’s not Nimrod laughing but the Grinch) :D

Free-Doom?

The question every Indian should ask today. After 63 years of unfulfilled promises and dreams, are we really free? Can a woman walk the streets freely in the capital of the country without being molested and raped? Can a couple get married irrespective of their caste or religion in Punjab, Rajasthan, Haryana or Bihar without falling prey to (Dis)honour killing? Can a man/woman come out of the closet and not be targeted by the society? Can we have one big event in India without money-laundering scams arising? Can a school in the north-east have an Independence Day parade without the fear of a terrorist attack? Can we have a Prime Minister who with his Independence Day speech could rouse a nation and not put it to sleep?

Just some of the problems from the top off my head, there are other serious problems like the Maoist problem and the Kashmir issue but even the most optimistic person in the world will say that these are pretty much unsolvable. How long can we say, “My country is filled with corruption and crime but i believe in the goodness of our people”? 63 years of a country filled with just good-hearted people hasn’t got us anywhere and i don’t see the next 100 any different.

Solutions are welcome because i have no practical ones! I shall always love my country irrespective of everything. I am an ordinary cheesy Indian too. Jai Hind!

Who Am I? Pick your favourite Rony...

Am i the quiet kid, who when the phone rings and ‘Dad/Mom’ shows up on the screen doesn’t know what to say, fills the following minute with one-word answers?

Or am i the funny guy who livens the proceeding with his wit?

Is it me when i woo somebody with my charm and then cut myself off from her, knowing how it will end?

Or am i the guy who still wonders if people in Korea are as wonderful as in their movies?

Am i the guy who when speaking to an old friend feels so disconnected that he stopped taking calls?

Or am i the fool who on a rainy day reminisces about the past?

Is it me when i politely nod and smile to everything a stranger or a elderly/relative says?

Or am i the monster who gets this urges to do unspeakable acts and has to be calmed with alcohol? ha ha ha

Patience

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

I asked for help i cried aloud
From above i received even darker clouds
I braved the rain and dried my head

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

With lies and betrayals were stolen my smile
I looked away and let them pile
They still strangle me when i go to bed

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

Throw out the bin turn out the lights
Without reason these miniscule fights
I bowed my head i smiled i slaved

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

Why we don’t need Love?

Love, the entity that makes the world go round. Have you seen a person in love? Quite easily recognisable I might add. The eyes always give away the tale. There’s a spark of a different kind, a certain twinkle is present (as one of my friend put it) which otherwise you will never see. Haiti became a superpower, Uddhav and Raj are welcoming north-Indians to Bombay (not Mumbai), Salman and Katrina got married, Rahul Dravid scored the fastest century in cricket... “Who cares? I just want to look in your eyes all through my life.” Trust me. That’s the reaction you are going to get. Everything’s wonderful, you are happy and you want to keep your partner joyful, not a worry in the world but only till it lasts...

This blog is not for people in love or for people who think they are in love (huge number) for they are too deep into it and can’t be saved. This is for people who are looking for love or who think alike. So as i was saying everything is fine and dandy till it lasts and last it doesn’t. In the present generation a few months and if you are really lucky a few years is all you can hope for. For in sometime one of you will get bored and then leave the other. Love is a feeling, here today gone tomorrow and in present times, more so. What happens after that? You don’t remain you; you resort to ghastly acts to fill the void with unsuccessful results of course and in a split second your life is changed forever.

Don’t lose yourself on the way, don’t be dependent on anybody to live your life hell don’t be dependent on anything you can’t buy. For when you have everything and then suddenly you are left with nothing you tend to lose sanity. Try loving yourself, i know it’s hard to do but you are better off.

Now let’s not disappoint the ones in love. A piece of advice for you too. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on your love for the next guy/girl who gives you a little more attention. Don’t give up on your love for your parents or religion for parents are going to die one day and what are you left with then? Plus if they really love you they will understand. As for religion, read my next blog on religion and you will know why. Still really foolish. Hold onto it for nothing makes you happier than love. I can’t anymore, so if you can, do it morons. For the others pick up a hobby, get into a job that you like or travel. Don’t do drugs, alcohol or any other dreadful thing, leave that to me ha ha ha ha

There’s a little bit of him in all of us

When you are growing up, you always have somebody you look upto. For some people it’s their father or an elder sibling, some emulate the latest music sensation while some follow an actor. I fall in the last category. I first saw him in Fauji but my hero-worshipping days didn’t start there. It started when our family was watching Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman on the small brand new colour TV and my mother said aloud, “Aww…Wish I had a son like him.” That was one of the many times I was jealous of him but always admiration is what I was left with in the end. Also since then I was amazed at how every woman wanted him. Some wanted him as a son, some as the filmy lover but nevertheless wanted him in some way. And hereafter your life’s mission becomes, “How do I become Shahrukh Khan?”

Click here to read the rest (Since they pay me to write i guess, they deserve the hits)

Doston ka Review

Been away for sometime now. Trying to figure things out and simply matargasti also. What did I figure out? Nothing really.

I have been reviewing movies for a while now and so I came out with this idea about reviewing my friends. Don’t worry it will not be the cheesy testimonies you find on Orkut. I will mostly talk about things that I won’t usually say to them. Some might get pissed off, some might want to defend themselves therefore I have decided to not take their names and I will address them as ‘it’ to hide their gender ha ha. Still wanna get pissed off, go ahead and be my guest. I am including very few people in this assessment so if you can’t find yourself don’t be disappointed just gimme a call and I will personally insult you. For those who are included, herein lies my opinion of you. Also I am not writing this to win the Booker prize, only to vent stuff so don’t look for literary genius here.

Lastly, I may be wrong but so may you…

Exhibit 1: It is an ego-maniacal loud mouth. I don’t know for what joy it wants to race with everybody in everything. Whether it be drinking or career or money you name it and it will want to overhaul you and take the lead. If it says it has downed 3 bottles of beer, ½ bottle of vodka and a quarter whiskey, the reality would be 4 pegs of Old Monk rum! One of the best story-tellers that I have ever met. It can easily go on hour after hour with stories of him and her, of this and that and I assure you that you won’t get bored. Mostly because the masala that is added. Also one of the very few people I know whose intelligence I respect.
Suggestion: Get rid of the pettiness, you are good enough.

Exhibit 2: It is irritating, loud, foolish, crazy and sometimes funnily preachy. The last point is because its own life is in doldrums and also because it tells you to do things that it itself never does properly. Also it has a horrible taste of partners (don’t know what else to say in place of gf/bf). I don’t know how, where and on what basis it chooses its partners. But they are appalling. I know it’s got a heart of gold but sometimes its antics become highly unbearable. Like Exhibit 1, adds too much masala in whatever it has to say almost to the point of you not believing in whatever it has to say. You always have to ask another person for the actual facts.
Suggestion: Sober down. Time to become humane.

Exhibit 3: It is the kid I will never have. Love it a lot and I still don’t know why. I find it rather selfish and know it doesn’t really care about me as much as I do for it. Nevertheless one of the people I look upto.
Suggestion: Loosen up a bit. Enjoy your life while it lasts. Parents pleasing is a tedious job and you can never do enough.

Exhibit 4: It is the person that has influenced my life in the highest degree. Whenever I am walking a certain road or when the weather changes to a more pleasant tone it pops up in my mind. Terribly hard to keep off your mind. Do I still love it? I don’t know anymore and I don’t wanna know. Have stopped thinking about this for I can do nothing about it. Nobody has made me happier or more miserable than it has. But nobody knows me more. We both are fools for not being together. For we are as perfect as perfect can be for each other. There are those who think they love then there are those who think they are loved. I pity them for I knew the real thing. Nevertheless I want it to be happy and lead its life to the fullest. I hope we remember each other with a smile on our faces throughout our life.
Suggestion: What do I suggest to a person who has made me what I am today? Smile on…

Love you guys :)

Big Joe and the Twins

Was wondering, exactly…wondering!!! Had been writing the Why we don’t need this and that for a while, so was wondering what to write about. I sat and thought and somehow the male reproductive organ came to my mind. You have a lot of organs in your body but the only time you think about your liver or your kidney is when they malfunction. But the penis demands your attention all the time. You have to position it, put it in, put it out and don’t forget to wash your hands. You worry about it growing up and if you are not lucky you will worry even after growing up. Size matters lemme tell you. No ifs and buts it matters. We guys even name it. Lil Sergeant, Big Major etc. The most innovative I’ve heard till now is Big Joe and the twins. Get it? :)

I don’t know how it became a slang (don’t pretend like you have never been called a dick) wherein it serves such a great purpose. Most probably a woman came out with it. Let’s be honest women did get the raw deal when nature was planning the whole ordeal. Like a comic once said, “Women have cramps, periods and give birth, I gotta shave-OK!!!” All I wanna say is its just a poor lil organ, it lives, gets sick, gets old, dies. Uh-oh

Since we have spoken about Big Joe, we should atleast mention the twins or they might feel left out. Testicles, the word itself induces fear in men. Even God didn’t wanna think about it, “We have some extra elbow skin left? Use that!” I don’t know how balls came to be spoken in the same context as courage because whenever you are really petrified, they shrink. I wonder why guys go “Here is your stuff, down here take it” or “Do you have the balls to…?” It all starts with playing cricket and your every effort to guard it from the ball. If they were courageous organs they would just refuse the guard and say “Lemme at the ball.” What would be funny is if women related courage to their ovaries. Just imagine a woman putting her hand below her stomach where her ovaries might be and go “Here is your lunch, come get it” ha ha ha

Why we don't need Marriages?

Not very educated but with good assets and a fair ass. Wrinkly bastard with truckloads of money. A match made in heaven!!!

Marriages are supposedly made in heaven but in recent times paradise has become jobless because nosey relatives, matrimonial websites and reality television has taken over. The holy union has now been lowered to a cheap, sordid and profit making affair. I got the booty you got the cash, lets get married! After that we can cheat on each other and later maybe we can call each other names in front of the kids. Voila kid’s fucked!!!

What baffles me is when you can’t really be faithful or understanding, why partake in this sham? This marriage concept was created so that a man and a woman can be with each other through life and face the atrocities thrown at them individually, together. But now just to get hitched you have to be of the same community with a good profession and lots of money. What type of a person you are or how much you love each other is just a formality. Anyway if he’s rich and of the same community, he has to be nice na?

What have we come to?

Why we don't need festivals

Some dude was born a million years ago. Result: Festival. Some dudette killed a bad guy. Result: Festival. Some dude won a war. Result: Festival. One day someone suddenly realized “I have been such a fucking prick, I should change”. Result: Festival.

Now do you realize how foolish you have been celebrating those days, priding yourself to be from that community, making life a living hell for those who don’t even care about your dudes and dudettes. I chose to write on this subject to expose mankind’s buffoonery when it comes to festivals. On top of that I live in a city which chooses to celebrate anything anytime its residents want to. The Ganesh chaturthi’s and the Kannada Rajyotsava’s seem never ending. Just when you think you have seen the last procession of the year, you see another moholla creating a din with as much gusto if not more then the previous ones.

All I am saying is not all of us are injected with the same fervour. Keep your manic celebrations to your home. You can have strippers and hookers parading your house if you want but keep it down. Moreover you completely fuck the environment in one day than the whole of Haiti does in a year. Also worth mentioning is the traffic violence that you put us through. Just a petition. Think about it.

Of Dropped calls and Break adherences-1

Hello there still readin my blogs i see...well Gracias firstly!!! Anyway movin on, from the title itself its quite evident that i am referrin to the call center industry and its quite safe to call me an expert on the subject. I have worked in 3 International call centres, 2 U.S and 1 U.K. process of which two them are I.S.P's(Internet Service Providers) so when i go hunting for a job(Job for the recession afflicted individuals is an activity that grown ups do to earn money) the stupid H.R.automatically thinks i am an expert on I.S.P's too. Well the reason for this blog is to provide an insight to this quite amazin industry where i have seen 12 passouts as well as engineerin and dental ones workin for the same payscale!!!
After you are done with the numerous foolish rounds and handed the offer letter which quotes a meagre sum which u never dreamt of workin for, but u have to coz u dont have any other options do you??? The induction is all happy and gay where you will get free food for the only time not exactly gourmet i might add. After this day you will actually be charged for food which is comparatively worse(Strange are the ways of this world i always say!!!) You will be shown real cool videos of people workin in the company who are all jubilant about their work and are rather happy. Also the video will consist of some really pretty ladies who you will never ever see in the company. The poor freshers always fall for it!!! O i forgot there will be ppl comin in and tellin you how wonderful it is in the company and how he became some manager from agent level in a year. Growth and work environment are the tools of marketin quite properly utilised and no matter how many inductions u have been to, u always kinda believe it till u spend sometime in the company ie Next day u are picked up from your house and training begins...To be continued...

26 Things that are being killed by the Internet

Yeah I'm back not quite the way i had wanted to but i am back nevertheless!!! I am not quite ready to write something personal coz i might spew loads of venom and piss off a lot of people therefore something on the ligter side to warm things up. Why 26 things??? Very simple coz i could think of only 26. Read on then...

1) The art of polite disagreement
The internet has certainly sharpened the tone of debate. The most raucous sections of the blogworld seem incapable of accepting sincerely held differences of opinion; all opponents must have "agendas".
2) Fear that you are the only person unmoved by a celebrity's death
Twitter has become a clearing-house for jokes about dead famous people. Tasteless, but an antidote to the "fans in mourning" mawkishness that otherwise predominates.
3) Listening to an album all the way through
The single is one of the unlikely beneficiaries of the internet – a development which can be looked at in two ways. There's no longer any need to endure eight tracks of filler for a couple of decent tunes, but will "album albums" like Evanescence's Fallen get the widespread hearing they deserve?
4) Punctuality
Before mobile phones, people actually had to keep their appointments and turn up to the meetings on time. Texting friends to warn them of your tardiness five minutes before you are due to meet has become one of throwaway rudenesses of the
connected age.
5) Adolescent nerves at first porn purchase
The ubiquity of free, hard-core pornography on the web has put an end to one of the most dreaded rites of passage for teenage boys – buying dirty magazines. Why tremble in the shop queue when you can download mountains of filth for free in your bedroom?
6) Telephone directories
When was the last time you used one????
7) Watches
Scrabbling around in your pocket to dig out a phone may not be as elegant as glancing at a watch, but...
8) Music stores
In a world where people don't want to pay anything for music, charging them like 250 bucks for 12 songs in a flimsy plastic case is no business model.
9) Letter writing/pen pals
Email is quicker, cheaper and more convenient; receiving a handwritten letter from a friend has become a rare, even nostalgic, pleasure. As a result, formal valedictions like "Yours faithfully" are being replaced by "Best" and "Thanks".
10) Memory
When almost any fact, no matter how obscure, can be dug up within seconds through Google and Wikipedia, there is less value attached to the "mere" storage and retrieval of knowledge.
11) Dead time
When was the last time you spent an hour mulling the world out a window, or re-reading a favourite book? The internet's draw on our attention is relentless and increasingly difficult to resist.
12) Order forms in the back pages of books
Amazon's "Customers who bought this item also bought..." service seems the closest web equivalent.
13) Delayed knowledge of sporting results
When was the last time you bought a newspaper to find out who won the match, rather than for comment and analysis? There's no need to fall silent for Yashpal Sharma on the way home from the game when everyone in the car has an iPhone.
14) Enforceable copyright
The record companies, film studios and news agencies are fighting back, but can the floodgates ever be closed?
15) Aren't they dead? Aren't they gay?
Wikipedia allows us to confirm or disprove almost any celebrity rumour instantly. Only at places with no Wi-Fi signals can the gullible be tricked into believing that Salman Khan passed away.
16) Knowing telephone numbers off by heart
After typing the digits into your contacts book, you never need to look at them again.
17) The mystery of foreign languages
Sites like Babelfish offer instant, good-enough translations of dozens of languages – but kill their beauty and rhythm.
18) Geographical knowledge
With GPS systems spreading from cars to smartphones, knowing the way from A to B is a less prized skill. Just ask the Bangalore Auto drivers who spent years learning The Knowledge but are now undercut by cabs.
19) Pencil cricket
An old-fashioned schoolboy diversion swept away by the Stick Cricket behemoth.
20) Concentration
What with tabbing between Twitter, Facebook and Orkut, it's a wonder anyone gets their work done.
21) Personal reinvention
How can you forge a new identity at work when your Facebook is plastered with photos of the "old" you?
22) Undiscovered artists
Posting paintings to deviantART and Flickr – or poems to writebuzz – could not be easier. So now the garret-dwellers have no excuses.
23) The usefulness of reference pages at the front of diaries
If anyone still digs out their diaries to check what time zone London is in, or how many litres there are to a gallon, we don't know them.
24) The nervous thrill of the reunion
You've spent the past four years tracking their weight-gain on Facebook, so meeting up with your first love doesn't pack the emotional punch it once did.
25) Solitaire
The original computer timewaster has been superseded by the more alluring temptations of the web.
26) Your lunchbreak
Did you leave your desk today? Or gobble a sandwich while sending a few personal emails and checking the price of a week in Goa???

11 December 2008

Since i am going to my beloved hometown on vacation, i thought of pouring it all in on this post because u never know, it could be my last blog. For the lesser known my home is in Assam, a battlefield to be precise where bombs go off at the drop of a hat. I really don't know when n where this fat, old body might fall. Therefore mom n dad i love u, love u Ria though i am not all that great at expressing it. Love n adore u girl, u know who u are. My buddies, love u. 

                            Moving on from this grim context, as i had mentioned before i was jobless for a while therefore i took time out to study human nature. My pals are not really human but nevertheless the mood seems to be always on the bleaker side with everybody. I, myself am not in a great mood most of the times n feel bored easily, whine!!! We could always blame it on the corporate world but there should be more to it. And no Ms Zirdo don't tell me u are always happy n gay coz u are the one of the most bitter persons i have met in my lifetime. I know u claim to have recovered from the blows that life dealt u but hey come on who are u kiddin!!! Also u are right that i am paying the price of emptiness coz i am faithful. Faithfulness has always been a hard path to follow but i still do it coz i wasn't taught otherwise n also coz i am too lazy to go n flirt with other woman!!! For Dhri all i can say is learn to decide. You are who you are by the choices u make. Bitan, stop the fucking whining, drink, make merry n grab the opportunity when it comes ;) Som n Sanky, i don't really know wat to say to u. You both are the happiest among us so keep enjoyin the lifestyle u chose!!! 

             On a more serious note i would like to offer my heartfelt sympathies to the families of the victims who lost their lives on 26/11. I wonder when this will stop, when i could walk the streets without fear, when i could go to my hometown without writing a crappy blog scared i might not come back alive...Hindus, Muslims, Christians haven't u realized the truth of religion yet. Do u need more bloodshed to prove whose God is the real deal??? Where is thy God ppl??? Well next time ask ur God to come down n fight for u for a change...Plus this ninnys running this country can all but politicize these matters n squabble among each other. Don't u fuckin wimps dare come askin for votes at my doorstep this time!!! Stop it folks i am tired aren't you???

13th Nov

Since every Tom, Dick n Harry is writing farewells to Sourav Ganguly, i think i should write one too seeing that he has been my hero since i was in the 4th standard, he made cricket a passion and impossible possible. When i grew up watching cricket the Indian cricket team was a disaster they lost more than they won, the heroes were Azhar, Sachin, Kumble from whom if u wanted to extract any semblance of aggression i guess u would have to hit them. The Indian team played cricket like employees working in a government organisation. They go everyday to work disinterested only lookin forward to the end of the month to collect their pay. And things werent goin to change anytime soon. To understand the difference between Sourav n the other cricketers of those times u would have to know his background n upbringing. Sourav was born in a upper-class family in Kolkata where as he was growing up he had no dearth of money or anything money could buy. He was rightly termed 'Maharaja' coz he was treated as one in his home. Therefore, Sourav played cricket not for the wages it had to offer but as a sport, a passion. 

              When Sourav was picked for the Indian team in the 1991-92  Australian tour. He played a single ODI n was dropped with the team manager citing he had an attitude problem. But Sourav bounced back after 4 years(as we will see in the future bouncin back is second nature to Mr. Ganguly) in England amid wide criticism over his selection. The rest as they say is history, he struck two centuries in two consecutive tests n cemented his place in the Indian team. From 1996 to 2000 was an upward curve for him with runs comin from his bat the critics were silenced for sometime atleast. He matched Sachin stroke to stroke n was more consistent than Sachin in that period if u look at stats. Captaincy changed hands from Azhar to Sachin to Azhar to Sachin. But India still maintained its stature as Tigers at home, lambs abroad. And then Indian cricket was hit with the worst crisis ever, the match-fixing scandal. Everybody suddenly was under doubt, heroisms were forgotten n the public was bayin for the blood of the cricketers. Sachin quit captaincy, Azhar n Jadeja were banned from playing n Indian cricket was in disarray. At this time the captaincy was given to a man who was above this petty match-fixing ignominy. He made his own team, overlooked seniors sometimes n looked for new blood. Sourav stood by his bunch at all times gave them confidence, increased their self-belief n instilled the much needed aggression. Yuvraj, Harbhajan, Kaif, Sehwag were brought up from nowhere n made into superstars. The colonial mindset was trashed n the new India could take blows as well as give them out. The rise of Indian cricket is rightly attributed to Sourav who led them to overseas wins as well as to the final of the world cup. 

             When John Wright quit as coach of the Indian team, Sourav backed Greg Chappell for the post which might be the most blatant blunder that the great one ever made. Chappell was keen to be the centre of attention n wanted the rights of exercising the utmost powers in Indian cricket. This led to a public clash which left Sourav stripped from captaincy n out of the team. This was the darkest phase of his career, as i have come to know also that when u are not successful u have fewer friends, less self-belief n extreme frustration. He was in a pit from which no one backed him to come out. His career was supposedly finished n the great saga had ended. But Sourav as we know him had other ideas. He trained hard, worked primarily on his fitness n technique. He was finally given another shot on the tour to South Africa where he made one of the greatest comebacks that cricketing history has ever seen. He was back but not as the general but as a foot soldier. He enjoyed his batting to the fullest without the burdens of captaincy n notched up big scores. But that wasnt enough for the selectors n he was dropped from the ODI squad. This was a bit unfair seeing his tremendous record in ODIs n he was genuinely disappointed. People again started counting his days in the middle and after a disastrous tour to Srilanka where the whole batting order failed, he was again made the scapegoat n was left out from the rest of India squad. Dada had enough n finally announced his retirement from all forms of the game after the Australia series. 

          To briefly put it Sourav was one of India's greatest. He was a great batsman n the best leader India produced. One can never forget those sublime drives through the off-side or the shirt waving incident on the balcony of Lord's. But Sourav was more than that, he was a fighter who fought till his last day n never gave up. We can only look forward to his exploits in the IPL now where he will be turning out for the Kolkata Knightriders. Dada we will miss u!!! U were the greatest ever...

2nd Nov

Recently i took a break from work which to be put mildly is called the time between 2 jobs!!! I was hopin to enjoy the idleness n the calm that joblessness brings to one's life. But strange are the ways of men they say so rather it turned out to be a horrible experience with a rise in frustration n suicidal tendencies. The fault once again lay with my expectations which i had built up in a course of time watching two of my friends who had been enjoying their redundant existence quite admirably. Dont ask me how coz they pull it off quite well n they still are doin it without any repercussions.                       

              The first n foremost problem that u face is the lack of money. I have come to believe that when u are without money u get lesser calls, lesser invitations to go out n lesser ppl to hang out with. I sometimes marvel at the way a human mind works. They write u off n throw u away n once again when u are in the game, which they dont expect u to do by the way, they are once again all over u. 

            Secondly, there is nothing to talk about. Somehow the economic meltdown n McCain being another wrinkly bastard doesnt fill up hours. You tend to listen more n speak less n maybe thats wat u are expected to do.

           The last valuable reason is that "Being alone sucks". To live a singular life when u are not single is quite hard.[The blog about my love story will start in maybe 5 years when i most probably will be married n safe from the clutches of nosey relatives ;)] Finally i would like to thank the ppl who supported me in this ghastly time of mine. In life u expect certain things from certain quarters n when u dont get that it pulls u down even more n then comes love n attention from the most unexpected mortals which believe me makes your day. 

          Before i go just a piece of advise wherever u are n whatever u do DON'T TAKE A BREAK. Its just like any Bollywood movie where the trailor entices n takes u to the nearest multiplex only for u to discover another disaster. As Gary Jules had mighty well put it "Its a Mad World".

23rd Oct

 Once again besotted with thoughts... was readin Agatha Christie's "The mirror crack'd from side to side" n was relating to the very accurate depiction of true human nature described through the character Marina Gregg who is a famous movie star who has seen it all n done it all but is still driven by bouts of depression coz she doesnt have a child of her own. In real life too we may have more than wat most ppl have but still cling on to sadness in hope of acquirin that one last piece to complete life's puzzle. To give it a more personal touch when i was in the "cycle"(Cycle-The big bad corporate world or anything equivalent which keeps u as busy as an ant) i thought of havin some time to myself, some idle time wherein i could do everything with laziness personified. I wanted to wake up n sleep whenever i wanted to, eat, shop, roam n chat with unadulterated leisure n now when i have all the time in the world i have to think ways of keepin the mood of gaeity from being dismantled. So one wonders are we really better off being busy??? Is busyness the new word for happiness??? The solution being that when we are preoccupied we dont sit back n deduce the state of our life or wat we are goin to do in the not so appealin future. 

              Also one more thing is the lack of emotions portrayed by humans these days. Its not cool to cry when u are sad, ppl are scared to cry largely due to the fear of ridicule by their peers. I plead guilty of being one of those who do bring out the funniest of perceptions in another's tragedy. I dont like to cry myself coz i feel that kinda makes me look weak, once again peer pressure. I feel we all are turnin into lifeless n unresponsive zombies n i really dont know where the fault is to be attributed. 

      Anyway gotta go now time for dinner!!! Sorry for the abrupt end but will leave u with a line from a contemporary bengali musician "Jeebon bola kichu nai jeebon to jeebito thakar abhinay"

I really tried to translate but i sucked so ask ur nearest nosy Bengali or call me :)