Patience

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

I asked for help i cried aloud
From above i received even darker clouds
I braved the rain and dried my head

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

With lies and betrayals were stolen my smile
I looked away and let them pile
They still strangle me when i go to bed

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

Throw out the bin turn out the lights
Without reason these miniscule fights
I bowed my head i smiled i slaved

Patience is a virtue everyone said
I say its a bad habit i've made

Why we don’t need Love?

Love, the entity that makes the world go round. Have you seen a person in love? Quite easily recognisable I might add. The eyes always give away the tale. There’s a spark of a different kind, a certain twinkle is present (as one of my friend put it) which otherwise you will never see. Haiti became a superpower, Uddhav and Raj are welcoming north-Indians to Bombay (not Mumbai), Salman and Katrina got married, Rahul Dravid scored the fastest century in cricket... “Who cares? I just want to look in your eyes all through my life.” Trust me. That’s the reaction you are going to get. Everything’s wonderful, you are happy and you want to keep your partner joyful, not a worry in the world but only till it lasts...

This blog is not for people in love or for people who think they are in love (huge number) for they are too deep into it and can’t be saved. This is for people who are looking for love or who think alike. So as i was saying everything is fine and dandy till it lasts and last it doesn’t. In the present generation a few months and if you are really lucky a few years is all you can hope for. For in sometime one of you will get bored and then leave the other. Love is a feeling, here today gone tomorrow and in present times, more so. What happens after that? You don’t remain you; you resort to ghastly acts to fill the void with unsuccessful results of course and in a split second your life is changed forever.

Don’t lose yourself on the way, don’t be dependent on anybody to live your life hell don’t be dependent on anything you can’t buy. For when you have everything and then suddenly you are left with nothing you tend to lose sanity. Try loving yourself, i know it’s hard to do but you are better off.

Now let’s not disappoint the ones in love. A piece of advice for you too. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on your love for the next guy/girl who gives you a little more attention. Don’t give up on your love for your parents or religion for parents are going to die one day and what are you left with then? Plus if they really love you they will understand. As for religion, read my next blog on religion and you will know why. Still really foolish. Hold onto it for nothing makes you happier than love. I can’t anymore, so if you can, do it morons. For the others pick up a hobby, get into a job that you like or travel. Don’t do drugs, alcohol or any other dreadful thing, leave that to me ha ha ha ha

There’s a little bit of him in all of us

When you are growing up, you always have somebody you look upto. For some people it’s their father or an elder sibling, some emulate the latest music sensation while some follow an actor. I fall in the last category. I first saw him in Fauji but my hero-worshipping days didn’t start there. It started when our family was watching Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman on the small brand new colour TV and my mother said aloud, “Aww…Wish I had a son like him.” That was one of the many times I was jealous of him but always admiration is what I was left with in the end. Also since then I was amazed at how every woman wanted him. Some wanted him as a son, some as the filmy lover but nevertheless wanted him in some way. And hereafter your life’s mission becomes, “How do I become Shahrukh Khan?”

Click here to read the rest (Since they pay me to write i guess, they deserve the hits)

Doston ka Review

Been away for sometime now. Trying to figure things out and simply matargasti also. What did I figure out? Nothing really.

I have been reviewing movies for a while now and so I came out with this idea about reviewing my friends. Don’t worry it will not be the cheesy testimonies you find on Orkut. I will mostly talk about things that I won’t usually say to them. Some might get pissed off, some might want to defend themselves therefore I have decided to not take their names and I will address them as ‘it’ to hide their gender ha ha. Still wanna get pissed off, go ahead and be my guest. I am including very few people in this assessment so if you can’t find yourself don’t be disappointed just gimme a call and I will personally insult you. For those who are included, herein lies my opinion of you. Also I am not writing this to win the Booker prize, only to vent stuff so don’t look for literary genius here.

Lastly, I may be wrong but so may you…

Exhibit 1: It is an ego-maniacal loud mouth. I don’t know for what joy it wants to race with everybody in everything. Whether it be drinking or career or money you name it and it will want to overhaul you and take the lead. If it says it has downed 3 bottles of beer, ½ bottle of vodka and a quarter whiskey, the reality would be 4 pegs of Old Monk rum! One of the best story-tellers that I have ever met. It can easily go on hour after hour with stories of him and her, of this and that and I assure you that you won’t get bored. Mostly because the masala that is added. Also one of the very few people I know whose intelligence I respect.
Suggestion: Get rid of the pettiness, you are good enough.

Exhibit 2: It is irritating, loud, foolish, crazy and sometimes funnily preachy. The last point is because its own life is in doldrums and also because it tells you to do things that it itself never does properly. Also it has a horrible taste of partners (don’t know what else to say in place of gf/bf). I don’t know how, where and on what basis it chooses its partners. But they are appalling. I know it’s got a heart of gold but sometimes its antics become highly unbearable. Like Exhibit 1, adds too much masala in whatever it has to say almost to the point of you not believing in whatever it has to say. You always have to ask another person for the actual facts.
Suggestion: Sober down. Time to become humane.

Exhibit 3: It is the kid I will never have. Love it a lot and I still don’t know why. I find it rather selfish and know it doesn’t really care about me as much as I do for it. Nevertheless one of the people I look upto.
Suggestion: Loosen up a bit. Enjoy your life while it lasts. Parents pleasing is a tedious job and you can never do enough.

Exhibit 4: It is the person that has influenced my life in the highest degree. Whenever I am walking a certain road or when the weather changes to a more pleasant tone it pops up in my mind. Terribly hard to keep off your mind. Do I still love it? I don’t know anymore and I don’t wanna know. Have stopped thinking about this for I can do nothing about it. Nobody has made me happier or more miserable than it has. But nobody knows me more. We both are fools for not being together. For we are as perfect as perfect can be for each other. There are those who think they love then there are those who think they are loved. I pity them for I knew the real thing. Nevertheless I want it to be happy and lead its life to the fullest. I hope we remember each other with a smile on our faces throughout our life.
Suggestion: What do I suggest to a person who has made me what I am today? Smile on…

Love you guys :)

Big Joe and the Twins

Was wondering, exactly…wondering!!! Had been writing the Why we don’t need this and that for a while, so was wondering what to write about. I sat and thought and somehow the male reproductive organ came to my mind. You have a lot of organs in your body but the only time you think about your liver or your kidney is when they malfunction. But the penis demands your attention all the time. You have to position it, put it in, put it out and don’t forget to wash your hands. You worry about it growing up and if you are not lucky you will worry even after growing up. Size matters lemme tell you. No ifs and buts it matters. We guys even name it. Lil Sergeant, Big Major etc. The most innovative I’ve heard till now is Big Joe and the twins. Get it? :)

I don’t know how it became a slang (don’t pretend like you have never been called a dick) wherein it serves such a great purpose. Most probably a woman came out with it. Let’s be honest women did get the raw deal when nature was planning the whole ordeal. Like a comic once said, “Women have cramps, periods and give birth, I gotta shave-OK!!!” All I wanna say is its just a poor lil organ, it lives, gets sick, gets old, dies. Uh-oh

Since we have spoken about Big Joe, we should atleast mention the twins or they might feel left out. Testicles, the word itself induces fear in men. Even God didn’t wanna think about it, “We have some extra elbow skin left? Use that!” I don’t know how balls came to be spoken in the same context as courage because whenever you are really petrified, they shrink. I wonder why guys go “Here is your stuff, down here take it” or “Do you have the balls to…?” It all starts with playing cricket and your every effort to guard it from the ball. If they were courageous organs they would just refuse the guard and say “Lemme at the ball.” What would be funny is if women related courage to their ovaries. Just imagine a woman putting her hand below her stomach where her ovaries might be and go “Here is your lunch, come get it” ha ha ha

Why we don't need Marriages?

Not very educated but with good assets and a fair ass. Wrinkly bastard with truckloads of money. A match made in heaven!!!

Marriages are supposedly made in heaven but in recent times paradise has become jobless because nosey relatives, matrimonial websites and reality television has taken over. The holy union has now been lowered to a cheap, sordid and profit making affair. I got the booty you got the cash, lets get married! After that we can cheat on each other and later maybe we can call each other names in front of the kids. Voila kid’s fucked!!!

What baffles me is when you can’t really be faithful or understanding, why partake in this sham? This marriage concept was created so that a man and a woman can be with each other through life and face the atrocities thrown at them individually, together. But now just to get hitched you have to be of the same community with a good profession and lots of money. What type of a person you are or how much you love each other is just a formality. Anyway if he’s rich and of the same community, he has to be nice na?

What have we come to?

Why we don't need festivals

Some dude was born a million years ago. Result: Festival. Some dudette killed a bad guy. Result: Festival. Some dude won a war. Result: Festival. One day someone suddenly realized “I have been such a fucking prick, I should change”. Result: Festival.

Now do you realize how foolish you have been celebrating those days, priding yourself to be from that community, making life a living hell for those who don’t even care about your dudes and dudettes. I chose to write on this subject to expose mankind’s buffoonery when it comes to festivals. On top of that I live in a city which chooses to celebrate anything anytime its residents want to. The Ganesh chaturthi’s and the Kannada Rajyotsava’s seem never ending. Just when you think you have seen the last procession of the year, you see another moholla creating a din with as much gusto if not more then the previous ones.

All I am saying is not all of us are injected with the same fervour. Keep your manic celebrations to your home. You can have strippers and hookers parading your house if you want but keep it down. Moreover you completely fuck the environment in one day than the whole of Haiti does in a year. Also worth mentioning is the traffic violence that you put us through. Just a petition. Think about it.