Salman, Dhoni and Joblessness!

Skaaaaaaa...Dooooshhhh! Here I am again. Holding fort as usual in life! If you are one of the few people in the world who wonder why I don’t write more or even update the blog with inane stuff, the answer is I am too numb. A person writes when something affects him or her (If Naipaul allows), which happens very rarely with yours truly. Neither do the blue skies or the songbird’s melody make me cheerful nor does the dying kid in Africa rouse great sorrow. I have hit the great writer’s block! The only reason you are reading this right now is because our office shifted to a new location and Airtel didn’t have the decency to show up and set up our internet connection, which left me with 2 choices, either play computer games/watch movies and have the boss fuming and coming up with innovative ways to keep me at work or just keep scribbling on a Word document and seem busy (“Very smart” said in a retard way with 2 fingers knocking my forehead). :D

Anyway have you seen how similar Salman Khan and Mahendra Singh Dhoni are? One can’t act and the other well let’s say it politely (dude gave us 2 World Cups, come on) isn’t the greatest batsman or wicketkeeper we have seen. But whatever they touch, Ka-Ching!!! Salman stars in some of the most dim-witted films of our time but people go crazy, whistle, dance and blow kisses. The makers’ perception of the audience is so low that they make it a point to have one-word movie names. Really! Yuvraj, Wanted, Veer, Dabangg, Ready...Still the box-office is set ablaze from the first show and the distributers, producers, director, ‘that new actress’ and of course Salman walks home delighted!

Similarly, MSD has won it all, World Cup, T20 World Cup, Test Championship, IPL (twice), Champions league without ever making much of a contribution. He is not the sharpest captain; one can actually mistake him for a forehead wiping effigy on the field due to the lack of emotion he portrays. Who gives the last over of a match to Joginder Sharma let alone a final and then have the audacity of hoping to win? Ans: MSD. He is the luckiest bastard I know and so do you, I bet my life on that!

Boss coming, have to bring up an excel or ppt or a relevant word document on the screen. Till then let the path of AWESOMENESS guide you...  

A white blank page and a swelling rage...

I work in the most unimportant and neglected part of a company, I've disappointed my parents more than anybody in the history of mankind (Hitler and Osama's parents too would have been proud of them), I let a pint-sized megalomaniac boss me (This one sentence will most definitely lead to an argument), I can't even think of a healthy relationship, I feel guilty for not caring enough about people, or, do I? The person I relate to most is a serial-killer on television (No plans of emulation though, yet), alcohol doesn't pacify or interest me anymore, I still don't know why I get up early almost everyday to go to the gym, most conversations bore the shit out of me, I thought I had become the perfect being but from time to time boredom creeps up and anger lifts its head. For the first time in my life I might end up doing something I've never done before, SNAP!

Where is that brain-wave you are supposed to get when you have lived a quarter of a century? The realization of all your past mistakes and the epiphany about the clear path to a happy future? Are stupid people the only ones with a right to bliss? All I wish is for a beautiful stranger, sanity, clarity, some humane feelings and money of course!

But then again as The Dark Passenger and Dexter say in unison, "Wishes of course are for children."

Top 5 Bollywood movies of 2010

What makes a great film? Simple, everything! There are so many things to get wrong in making a film, it’s truly a magical experience when the sound design, editing, music, cinematography, acting, writing and directing all wrap up into one to make the perfect film.

There were some truly great films this year, so many that I had to pull all my hair out to pick just five. Incidentally four of the five I picked were directed by debutants! Don't know if I will get bouquets or brickbats for my choices but these are my top 5 in no particular order:

Ishqiya

Director: Abhishek Chaubey

Cast: Vidya Balan, Naseeruddin Shah, Arshad Warsi

Ishqiya had terrific performances, great writing and fantastic direction.

And music by Vishal Bharadwaj was so good especially 'Dil Toh Bachcha hai Ji' that Madhur Bhandarkar's forthcoming movie is titled the same.

Udaan

Director: Vikramaditya Motwane

Cast: Rajat Barmecha, Ronit Roy

Udaan was unconventional Bollywood at its biting best. Udaan spoke about a lonely teenager's traumatic life as his father and he dealt with their clash of personalities.

Vikramaditya Motwane deserves distinction marks for narrating a slice of life film with aplomb but the two kids, Rajat Barmecha and Aayan Boradia, were the real stars of this enterprise.

Tere Bin Laden

Director: Abhishek Sharma

Cast: Ali Zafar, Pradhuman Singh

A satirical comedy, Tere Bin Laden spoke about US's paranoia for anything Islamic post 9/11. It had a smart script and some smart acting.

India found a star from the other side of the border, Ali Zafar, a package of good looks, super talent and the right screen presence.

Peepli [Live]

Director: Anusha Rizvi

Cast: Omkar Nath Manikpuri, Raghubir Yadav

Peepli [Live] dealt with farmer suicide cases in a satirical and witty way.

The music was remarkable and the dialogues laced with expletives, were truly fantastic and most importantly, real. The film, deservedly is India's entry into Oscars this year.

Love Sex Aur Dhokha

Director: Dibakar Banerjee

Cast: Anshuman Jha, Neha Chauhan

The only film in this list without a debutant director, had three stories talking about serious issues like honour killings, MMS scandals and sting operations.

Banjerjee has a keen ear for local textures and dialogue and incredibly, he gleaned impressive performances from his cast of rank newcomers.

Click here to view the published version of my article: http://www.cinecurry.com/news/movie-news/hindi/top-5-bollywood-movies-2010

Top 5 Hollywood movies in India of 2010

Most people would remember 2010 for the sequels of franchise flicks like Twilight, Narnia, Shrek and Harry Potter or Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie blowing up stuff but all the above were rendered forgettable by the presence of some awe-inspiring celluloid gems. Here are 5 Hollywood movies from the ones released in India this year that had me impressed:

The Social Network

Director: David Fincher

Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield

Fun. Interesting. Well made. Though their marketing plan was questionable, their dialogue was more than impressive and they managed to successfully make a film about people sitting and typing at a computer fun, dramatic, and interesting.

Fincher proved again that he is an amazing visual director while Eisenberg is so great with his performance that he manages to make you love and loathe Zuckerberg simultaneously.

Inception

Director: Christopher Nolan

Cast: Leonardo Di Caprio, Ellen Page

The idea of our dreams and how one affects them is a risky topic to tackle because it’s endless and quite complex. Nolan made it not only easy to understand but raised many interesting debates on “mind travel.”

It was an exquisitely beautiful film with a magnificent soundtrack by Hans Zimmer.

Toy Story 3

Director: Lee Unkrich

Cast: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen

Surprisingly as good as the first but in an entirely new way. Not only was this film funny and well made, but it dealt with concepts that serious dramas are afraid to touch. Yes it had a few cheesy kids lines, but on the whole it was dark, dramatic, interesting, funny, it was more than just a film, it was an experience.

I have said this before and I will say it again, if you didn't have a tear or two rolling down your cheek in the last 30 minutes, then you’re probably a heartless Decepticon.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Director: Oliver Stone

Cast: Michael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf

The film didn't try to copy the original as much as you might think. Yes, there’s the mentoring of an up and comer by a devious veteran but it also tackled the politics and corruption present in the new millennium. Money Never Sleeps opened a whole new bag of worms.

Every actor elevated the other’s performance, which made the film more watchable and more entertaining. LaBeouf may seem like an odd choice for such a dramatic role but he really brought it and proved that he can hang with the big dogs.

The Town

Director: Ben Affleck

Cast: Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner

What made this movie a cut above the rest was how it employed generic elements like revenge and romance to device empathy for its morally-ambiguous protagonists without ever compromising on the hard-boiled intentions of its cleverly-manufactured screenplay.

From top to bottom there was a great cast in this film. Renner, Hamm, Affleck, Lively, Hall all gave solid performances though Pete Postlethwaite was the star of the show for me.

Check out my published version of this article on: http://www.cinecurry.com/news/movie-news/english/top-5-hollywood-movies-india-2010

How The Ronster Stole Your Christmas!

We all (Ok most of us!) know how the Jesus story has been lifted from pagan mythology. It was travelling in the Mediterranean almost 1000 years before him. The virgin birth, baptism in the river, resurrection etc were actually taken from stories of Osiris, Dionysus, Adonis, Attis, Horus and Mithras. But come on even the date of birth had to be stolen??? For dim-wits who still haven’t followed, yes, ‘The Saviour’ wasn’t born on December 25^th!

The Bible has as many cases of plagiarism against it as the next Bollywood movie you will catch in the theatre or Pritam’s next composition. The cave-men who wrote His story just did a pre-historic cut (wiping out Paganism mercilessly)-copy (a very accurate one)-paste (and we give you JESUS).

To prove that this is not a hoax, I give you the whole story:

From its early Babylonian roots, the celebration of the birth or "rebirth" of the sun god on December 25th came to be celebrated under various names all over the ancient world.  You see, the winter solstice occurs a few days before December 25th each year. The winter solstice is the day of the year when daylight is the shortest. In ancient times, December 25th was the day each year when the day started to become noticeably longer.  Thus it was fitting for the early pagans to designate December 25th as the date of the birth or the "rebirth" of the sun.

Let's even pretend for a while that my pal J.C. existed and the Bible accurate. So where did Christmas come from? Well, the truth is that the word "Christmas" is not actually found anywhere in the entire Bible. In fact, the word "Christmas" was not even invented until about a thousand years after Jesus left this earth. The Catholic Encyclopedia even admits this: "The word for Christmas in late Old English is Cristes Maesse, the Mass of Christ, first found in 1038." But Jesus was not even born on December 25th. The reality is that it would have simply been far too cold for shepherds to be out with their sheep at night in Israel on December 25th. The vast majority of Christian scholars now acknowledge this. So when was Jesus actually born? Based on the information we have in the Scriptures, it appears that it is most likely that Jesus was born in the autumn season.

So how did December 25th come to be celebrated by Christians? Well, by the time the Roman Empire legalized Christianity in the 4th century, most of the other religions in the empire were celebrating the birth of their gods on December 25th.

So in the year 350 A.D., Pope Julius I declared that the birth of Jesus would be celebrated on December 25th from then on. There appears to be little doubt that Pope Julius was trying to make it as painless as possible for pagan Romans to convert to Catholicism!

Also thousands of years before there was a "Santa Claus", there was another supernatural figure that would supposedly visit a tree and leave gifts every December 25th. His name was Nimrod!

According to ancient Babylonian tradition, Semiramis claimed that after the untimely death of her husband Nimrod, a full grown evergreen tree sprang up overnight from a dead tree stump. Semiramis claimed that Nimrod would visit that evergreen tree and leave gifts each year on the anniversary of his birth, which just happened to be on December 25th!

Dampened the Holiday spirit have I? Ho Ho Ho (It’s not Nimrod laughing but the Grinch) :D

Free-Doom?

The question every Indian should ask today. After 63 years of unfulfilled promises and dreams, are we really free? Can a woman walk the streets freely in the capital of the country without being molested and raped? Can a couple get married irrespective of their caste or religion in Punjab, Rajasthan, Haryana or Bihar without falling prey to (Dis)honour killing? Can a man/woman come out of the closet and not be targeted by the society? Can we have one big event in India without money-laundering scams arising? Can a school in the north-east have an Independence Day parade without the fear of a terrorist attack? Can we have a Prime Minister who with his Independence Day speech could rouse a nation and not put it to sleep?

Just some of the problems from the top off my head, there are other serious problems like the Maoist problem and the Kashmir issue but even the most optimistic person in the world will say that these are pretty much unsolvable. How long can we say, “My country is filled with corruption and crime but i believe in the goodness of our people”? 63 years of a country filled with just good-hearted people hasn’t got us anywhere and i don’t see the next 100 any different.

Solutions are welcome because i have no practical ones! I shall always love my country irrespective of everything. I am an ordinary cheesy Indian too. Jai Hind!

Who Am I? Pick your favourite Rony...

Am i the quiet kid, who when the phone rings and ‘Dad/Mom’ shows up on the screen doesn’t know what to say, fills the following minute with one-word answers?

Or am i the funny guy who livens the proceeding with his wit?

Is it me when i woo somebody with my charm and then cut myself off from her, knowing how it will end?

Or am i the guy who still wonders if people in Korea are as wonderful as in their movies?

Am i the guy who when speaking to an old friend feels so disconnected that he stopped taking calls?

Or am i the fool who on a rainy day reminisces about the past?

Is it me when i politely nod and smile to everything a stranger or a elderly/relative says?

Or am i the monster who gets this urges to do unspeakable acts and has to be calmed with alcohol? ha ha ha